Truth in Therapy
by trycee
Summary: Scully and Mulder try to work out their feelings about each other and the issue of her cancer separately in therapy. The cancer is driving them apart...Hurt/Comfort/Angst
1. Chapter 1

**Truth in Therapy**

**by Trycee**

**TimeLine: Season 4, between Elegy and Gethsemane**

**Disclaimer: I do not own the X-Files. This is written for fun not Profit.**

_FBI counselor, Dr. Kossoff had been assigned Agent Dana Scully's therapist as apart of her Determination of Well Being to see if she were Fit for Duty. Dana had occasionally come on her own and her visits had become more frequent since learning she had cancer. Dr. Kossoff felt that she needed to try and reach deep into Agent Scully's past to get her to recognize a few patterns she had that could possibly put her in danger._

Dr. Karen Kossoff looked over her notes as she waited for her next patient. She looked at her watch, it was lunchtime and right on time, Dana Scully opened the door, knocking a little as she held the door open. She was dressed in a gray suit and slacks, a few tissues were in her hands in case of nose bleeds. Scully had chosen the lunch hour to go to therapy so no one, especially Mulder would know she was seeking help.

"Glad you could make it Dana...", Dr. Kossoff smiled, ushering her a seat on the couch.

She sat in her armchair across from Dana, a small notebook in hand. "How are you feeling?"

Scully acknowledged the woman briefly, but kept her eyes down on her hands holding the tissue. "I'm fine," she said, a meek smile crossing her face.

"Any issues with the nose bleeds, lately?"

"No!" Scully answered. "No issues at all...I'm being monitored. I'm as healthy as could be expected."

"That's good...", Karen said, looking at her notes. "I wanted to try something a little different this time..."

"Different how?"

"I wanted to discuss something we've touched on previously...your transference of your relationship with your father to other men in your life..."

Scully nodded. "Yes...It's not unusual for women to look for men that remind them of their father."

"No, it's not unusual at all. Men tend to look for women with traits like they're mother. But for you, its a little different..."

Scully looked perplexed. "In what way?"

"You tended to...if I've understood you correctly, to date older men...men of power, is that correct?"

"Yes, I'm consciously aware of that. My father was a Naval Captain. He was a strong man with strong qualities. I looked to him as an example of the men I want in my life. I've always known I was attracted to strong men!"

"Did either of your parents instilled in you the need to look for a strong man? Was the ideal of finding a man to be the head of the family instilled in you?"

Scully laughed a little.. "Dr. Kossoff, I was raised in a traditional Catholic home...an Irish Catholic family at that! And one heavily involved in the military!" She paused a moment so that Dr. Kossoff could consume what she was saying. "Of course strength was instilled in us. Its why both of my brothers are military men now but my parents still believed in a woman's equality!"

"You told me you're father didn't approve of you joining the FBI, is that correct?", she asked softly.

"No, he didn't...And no this was not what my parents envisioned for me. My parents were traditional but my mother supports me even now and I do believe my father was indeed proud of me."

Dr. Kossoff could see that Scully was slightly agitated by her questions but she continued. "Do you believe your attraction to men of power stems from your need for attention from your father?"

Scully stiffened in her seat. "My father was a very attentive man! And his daughter's strengths were celebrated as much as his sons!", Scully said defensively. "My mother is also no shrinking violet! She's a strong determined woman!"

"Like yourself," Dr. Kossoff said. "I'm only trying to work on issues that may spring up in our present from our pasts...I'm just trying to work out your family dynamics, Dana, that's all..."

Scully relaxed her shoulders a little and glanced back down to the tissue in her hands. She didn't want to get overworked because it might trigger another nose bleed. She didn't need anyone to see her bleed...she had already had Mulder and Skinner stare at her when she had, she didn't want any more sympathetic stares especially from her therapist.

"What position were you in the family?"

"Hunh? Oh...well my brother Bill is the oldest, then my sister Melissa...than me and then my brother Charles...why?"

"Middle children often feel they need to compete for their parents attention. Did you ever feel you needed to compete?"

Scully loosened her grip on the tissue. "Of course," she whispered. She then coughed and spoke stronger. "What child doesn't who has siblings?"

"Did you feel the need to compete with your brothers for your fathers attention?"

Scully thought carefully. "Occasionally...but he and I shared time together that the rest didn't. When he would read Moby Dick to me," she smiled. "He was Ahab and I was Star-buck. That story and that time spent with him meant so much to me."

"Your father would be deployed for long periods away from the family?"

"Yes..."

"What happened during that period?"

"My mother took over. I admire her greatly for being able to raise four rambunctious children while he was gone. We were disciplined, mannerable, and well-loved. She is a remarkable woman...one I had always hoped to be like someday..."

Karen looked over to Scully but she had masked her emotions so well that except for the darting of her eyes, it was hard to read her. "You admire both your parents greatly, don't you?"

"Yes, I do!"

"When you dated Dana, as an adult...Did you date men your own age originally or were you always drawn to older men?"

"I was drawn to older men...I didn't date much in college, not until med school...and like I said previously, I'm fully aware that they were men of power."

"What happened in these relationships and how many were there?"

"Two serious relationships and two very brief ones...And to answer your first question...they all failed."

"Why?"

"My relationship with Daniel...it was unhealthy now that I look back on it."

"Why is that?"

Scully shifted in her seat. "I nearly gave up my power...I nearly lost myself in him. I was enarmoured of him, of his intellect, his position. He on the other hand only wanted the devotion of a young girl...He was a liar, a cheater and I was involved in a affair without realizing it. And he never accepted my decision to join the FBI."

"Like your father..."

"My father accepted it but Daniel did not..."

"He was married?"

"Yes...I didn't know he was and when I found out I broke it off."

"What was your reaction to his betrayal, Dana?"

"I felt the need to guard my heart...", she said, glancing at Karen for a moment.

"Did your dating pattern change?"

Scully thought back to the past. "No, actually but I wasn't so quick to trust...After him I dated an instructor at the Academy for a year."

"And what happened with that?"

"Nothing really...he was obsessed with his work. Jack and Daniel were alike in that way."

"Anyone after that?"

"I briefly dated a classmate, Tom...and right before I was assigned to the X-Files, I dated a man named Ethan...just a few short months...my job was a problem for him too."

"Have you dated since joining the X-Files with your busy life and schedule?"

"Not really..."

"Why is that?"

Scully shifted her weight. "We'll there's the cancer..."

"You've worked on the X-Files for four years now...any dates?"

"Two..."

"What happened?"

"One didn't hold my interest and the other tried to kill me..."

Dr. Karen referred back to her notes..."Oh yes, Ed Jerse...but what happened with the other guy?"

"We weren't compatible," she said, thinking back to that one date a few years before.

"Tell me about your relationship with your partner..."

"Agent Mulder is an incredible investigator. He is passionate, dedicated...He treats me with respect, as an equal. He values my medical insight...I trust him completely. He is my best friend...my shoulder to lean on..."

Dr. Karen scribbled in her notes. "Describe your role in your partnership?"

"I was brought in to debunk his work, as you know. My role is to use my medical and scientific background...its my strengths..."

"Would you describe Agent Mulder as a powerful man?"

Scully got quiet. She looked at the Doctor for a few awkward moments, never answering her question. Dr. Karen continued. "Who compromises the most, you or him?"

"I think I do...Mulder is passionate, he's uncompromising at times when he thinks he's right. His faith drives him. That's what makes me follow him..."

"Do you follow him to the detriment of your own health?"

"I don't think so..."

"You once told me that you didn't want to disappoint him. You didn't want to show weakness..."

Scully looked uncomfortable. "I don't..."

"Do you feel he will treat you differently if you show weakness?"

"I don't want to show weakness...its important to me."

"What are your feelings about Agent Mulder?"

Scully was stunned by the questioned. She glanced at her wristwatch. "I've got to go..."

"Agent Scully, you're time isn't up yet...", Dr. Karen said in a gentle voice. "I'm only asking a general question...Let me remind you that anything you tell me is kept confidentially. No one including your superiors has access to my files, only you..."

"We're friends...", Scully answered, her eyes glued to Dr. Karen.

"Friends?"

Scully's jaw tightened. "Yes, friends...that's all!"

"Do you feel your relationship with Agent Mulder in anyway follows any of your typical patterns?"

"What pattern is that?"

"Do you feel obligated to follow Agent Mulder at times when you're feeling weak, feeling tired...Do you feel you are comprising your personal life to follow him? To work on the X-Files?"

Scully looked at the wall, she knew what Karen was trying to get at but she didn't want to hear it.

"Are you afraid he would reject you if you decided to stop working because of your condition?"

Scully had noticed that Mulder had been a little more agitated with her lately when she told him she couldn't go with him. She knew he wasn't really angry at her but at the cancer that was changing things between them. "No, I don't think he would," she lied.

"How would he react?"

"Agent Mulder is concerned for me. He respects my need to continue working. I think if I weren't able to work...", Scully's voice trailed off. She shifted her eyes back down to the tissue, a reminder of her condition.

"What would he do?", Karen pressed.

"He'd be devastated..."

Karen scribbled more into her notes. "Is it loyalty that keeps you working or concern for Agent Mulder's welfare?"

"It's both...but its not all about Mulder. I have selfish reasons to work..."

"Its how you work through tragedies in your life. You throw yourself into your work."

"Yes..."

"What do you think Mulder will do when you're gone, Dana?"

Scully's mouth gaped open. "I can't talk about that right now!"

"Can you try?"

Scully again stiffened, her lip thinned and her eyes narrowed. "I need to stay strong for myself and for Mulder. I can't leave him right now."

"Is that fair to you, Dana?"

Scully shook her head. "That's the way it is! Mulder has changed alot lately...He barely laughs any more...He isn't himself...He's scared to show me he's afraid for me. But I know him...I know him like no other...Mulder needs me to be strong. I need me to be strong! We need each other!"

Dr. Karen leaned in closer to Scully. "Do you love him?"

"Why is that important?"

"I think it's very important Dana...Do you love him?"

Scully rubbed her fingers over the clean tissues, avoiding Dr. Kossoff's stare. "He's my best friend...he's my partner. I care a great deal for him...yes...I love him. How can you face what we've faced and not love the person? Its a partnership...My life is in his hands...and his is in mine. Its a love between friends..."

"Does he love you?"

Scully fidgeted in her seat. "I believe he does...We've been through a lot together."

"Again...what you tell me is confidential. No one will ever know of what we speak..."

"There's nothing to tell! Our partnership...our friendship is based on mutual love and respect...as friends!"

"I understand...", she said scribbling again in her notebook. "If you'd like, I think we should continue to talk about your feelings especially with what you're going through Dana. Will I see you next week?"

Scully stood up and shook Dr. Kossoff's hands. She turned to walk out the door but the Dr. called after her. "Next week, Dana?"

"Yes of course!", she said, closing the door behind her.

Dr. Kossoff stared at the door for a few moments, then collected her notes, placed them into her file. She made a few more scribbles into her notes and then pulled out the next patients file...Fox Mulder.

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****Note: I took a little creative license here. There is never an indication that Mulder ever went to FBI therapist Dr. Karen Kossoff. From the show, Dr. karen Kossoff is Scully's therapist...but oh well...**


	2. Chapter 2

Truth in Therapy

Part 2

by Trycee

**Time Line: Season 4, between Elegy and Gethsemane**

**Disclaimer: I do not own the X-Files. This is written for fun not Profit.**

Scully pushed the elevator button and waited for it to reach her floor. The door opened and Mulder walked out. He grabbed her hand, "Hey Scully, I was just looking for you. I guess you went to lunch already..."

She smiled at him and placed her hand on top of his. "Sorry Mulder...Where you going?"

"Got some business to take care of...but I'll see you downstairs, right?"

"Of course...", she said, trying to stop her stomach from growling. She stepped onto the elevator and Mulder waited until the door closed. He then made his way to Dr. Karen Kossoff's office.

"Come in!"

Mulder opened the door and shook the therapist hand. "Have a seat, Agent Mulder."

Mulder sat down on the couch that Scully had been seated just a few moments before. He could smell of hint of Scully's perfume but he couldn't be sure.

"How can I help you?"

"I think I need to speak to someone...", he said, clearing his throat.

Karen sat down across from him in her armchair. She took out her notepad and then looked over to a nervous Mulder. "Whatever we discuss in here will not go any further than this room, Agent Mulder. No one has access to your files but me and you."

"Alright," he said, adjusting his tie.

"What brings you here, Agent Mulder? Can I call you Fox?"

"Mulder's fine," he grimaced.

"Okay...what brings you here."

Mulder slumped his shoulders and breathed heavily. "My partner has cancer..."

"I'm sorry...How does that make you feel."

"Like its my fault!", he said as tears streamed down his cheek.

"Why would it be your fault?"

"If it weren't for me she wouldn't have it."

"How is that, Agent Mulder?"

He looked at the therapist for understanding. His shoulders felt heavy as did his heart. He placed his hand over his heart trying to still himself. "She already lost a sister because of me...she has lost a lot...more than I can ever tell her at this point...and now this..."

"Okay...lets slow down...now why do you think her sister was killed because of you?"

"Because Scully was digging for the truth while I was gone and they thought they had already killed me and so they tried to kill her but they shot her sister instead..."

"And you have guilt because of it? Even though you weren't there? You weren't aware of what was happening?"

Mulder was crying and Karen handed him a box of tissues. "What else do you feel is your fault, Agent Mulder?"

"I can't tell her that she can't have children..."

"She can't? Why?"

"They took her ova...when they abducted her."

"You're speaking about the time she was missing...the situation with Duane Barry?"

"I guess everyone knows about her abduction around here, hunh?", he said, looking about her office as if he expected someone else to be there.

"Its common knowledge, yes. But what makes you think her abduction was your fault?"

Mulder cried openly. "I didn't reach her in time to save her."

"You did your best, isn't that right, Agent Mulder?"

"It wasn't good enough... And now this cancer..."

"How can you have been involved in giving her cancer, Agent Mulder?"

"It was due to her abduction...If I had have been there to protect her or gotten to her it would've happened.", he said, raising his voice.

"Do you think everything that happens to your partner is your fault, Agent Mulder?"

Mulder sat still a moment. He shook his head no. "She depends on me...I depend on her...I let her down."

"Are you sure?"

"Yes..."

"Describe your relationship with Agent Scully?"

"Its hard to describe..."

"Why?"

"She's very important to me...She's everything to me..."

"Does she know that?"

"I don't know," he whispered through tears.

"Have you thought about telling her that?"

"No..."

"Why?"

"She's going through a lot right now...she wouldn't understand...She needs to focus on herself ...she doesn't need my bullshit right now..."

"Telling her she's important to you is bullshit?"

"Its more than that...she's the only person I trust...she's the only person I have in my life..."

"How do you feel she's handling her cancer?"

Mulder wiped his face with the tissue. "She's trying to act brave...that's what she does...She doesn't want to let her guard down. She tries to act tough but I know she's hurting inside...I want to comfort her but I don't think she'll let me."

"You think she'll push you away if you try to comfort her?"

"Yes...She prides herself on being a strong woman. She never wants to show that she's vulnerable."

"So what do you do?"

"I try to pretend nothing is wrong...that's what she wants..."

"Are you sleeping at night, Agent Mulder? Do you eat?"

Mulder could see his reflection in a framed piece of art on her wall. His eyes were baggy and his appearance was slightly dis shoveled. He noted that he wasn't as nicely styled as he always was. He was just drifting at this point, his appearance meant little to him any more."I don't sleep anyway but its worst than before..."

"Because you're afraid of losing her?"

Mulder broke down at that and cried more into his tissues. "I lose everyone in my life...but I can't lose Scully...I can't...there'd be no point..."

Karen waited patiently for him to recover. "In your work or in living?"

Mulder didn't answer, he instead wiped at his face, dabbing the tissues at the corners of his eyes. "Scully can't see me weak...Its important that I keep it together."

"You don't think she knows?"

"No..."

"Why do you think she doesn't need to see you weak?"

"Because of her cancer...she needs to draw from my strength. That's the way Scully is...if I fall apart, so will she...and I can't have her do that right now..."

"You said she's the most important person in your life right now...do you have a good relationship with your mother?"

"No..."

"You don't trust your mother?"

"I believe my mother is keeping things from me...I believe she betrayed my father...no, I don't trust her...and I'm sure you know the story about my sister."

"Yes," she said.

Mulder looked for a reaction from her but she had none. She continued with her line of questioning. "Was there a time in your life that your relationship with your mother was close?"

Mulder shook his head. "No...I don't think we ever were."

"What about romantic relationships?"

"Most of the women in my past were very manipulative...they had an agenda...except Scully..."

"She's the only person that doesn't have an agenda?"

"She was assigned to debunk my work, that's why I didn't trust Scully at first..."

"But you've grown to trust her?"

"She's the only one I trust...She proved to be the most valuable person in my life."

"So she's the only woman in your life that hasn't betrayed you?"

"Yes...the only one."

"Describe your partnership with her..."

"Scully is...", he sighed. "She's an incredible person...her work, her dedication...she's uncompromising in her opinions...she makes me work for everything. She challenges me...she's my best friend, my partner...I just need her."

"What are your feelings about her?"

"I care for her...without her I won't have anyone...Without Scully...I can't even imagine it...I have to believe there's a cure for her cancer..."

"And your scared that she's going to die and you'll be left alone?"

"Yes...", he sighed.

"So if she dies...you'll lose your best friend, your partner and the only woman you've ever truly been close too?"

Mulder dabbed at his eyes, his mouth parted in silent cries. Dr. Karen leaned into him,"Do you love her?"

Mulder cried more into his tissues. "Yes...I love her...is that wrong?"

"No...its perfectly natural, Agent Mulder. I'm sure you've shared quite a lot together and anything you say in here is confidential. Do you think she's knows you love her?"

"Why?", he asked cautiously.

"Agent Mulder, I'm just trying to get to the root of your feelings about your partner and her cancer."

Mulder eyed the therapist suspiciously. "I don't know..."

"Why?"

"Whats important is that she doesn't give in to her cancer!", he said raising his voice.

"Do you feel that your work won't be able to continue without her? "

"I know it won't", he said, shaking his head.

"Why is that?"

"She's a big part of my work...I need her insight...I need her medical expertise...without her I won't have anyone I could trust...No one could take her place..."

"You opened the X-Files for a few years before she was assigned to you, is that correct?"

"It doesn't matter...if Scully dies...it just won't matter to me any more..."

"If she dies, Agent Mulder, you'll blame yourself?"

"I'm the reason..."

"That can't be true, Agent Mulder...it can't..."

"It is," he said, looking her straight into the eyes.

"My concern, Agent Mulder, is that you've grown to dependent upon your partner...I'm concern that once she passes you won't be able to function at your job."

"This is a waste of time!", Mulder said, rising from his seat. "She's downstairs right now waiting on me...I need to get back to work."

"Agent Mulder...please...just bare with me, please. "

Mulder walked past her to the door and slammed it behind him. Dr. Kossoff sat there a moment...the session had lasted only fifteenth minutes.

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****Note: I took a little creative license here. There is never an indication that Mulder ever went to FBI therapist Dr. Karen Kossoff. From the show, she is Scully's therapist...but oh well...**


	3. Chapter 3

**Truth in Therapy**

**Part 3**

**by Trycee**

**TimeLine: Season 4, between Elegy and Gethsemane**

**Disclaimer: I do not own the X-Files. This is written for fun not Profit.**

Mulder stepped out of the elevator and stood outside his office door. He lingered a moment trying to control the anger that had arisen from his visit with Dr. Karen Kossoff. She had hit a nerve with him and he didn't want Scully to see him angry...she had enough to worry about without focusing on him. He could hear Scully scuttling around inside and so he turned the knob and opened the door. Scully looked over at Mulder and she could tell immediately that he was upset. He glanced quickly at her and then sat down behind his desk, unaware of the sandwich she had purchased for him from the vending machine. He was quiet, pretending to look at his notes but she could feel him looking at her. "What's wrong, Mulder?", she turned and asked.

He shook his head and continued to stare at the X-file in front of him. She knew he was too angry to speak and she wondered where he had gone that had made him so upset. Scully was keenly aware of Mulder's moods...she was very sensitive to him in a way she had never been to anyone else. She had always been sensitive which had been used against her in her life, beginning with her brothers who would tease her for reacting 'like a girl' to men that used her sensitivity to their needs for their own advantages. She was a head strong determined woman but in relationships she found that the men used her submissiveness as a way of controlling her and when she fought against it trouble would often arise. With Mulder it had never been that way...her sensitivity, her caring...her submissive natural had never been used against her. He had never tried to control her like other men and he was just as sensitive to her as she was to him.

She also knew that Ed Jerse was still fresh in Mulder's mind but he had pushed it aside because of her cancer which she knew he blamed himself for. She had never properly explained to him the issue with Ed Jerse though normally she would not have felt the need to explain herself to any man but she had this overwhelming need to explain it to Mulder...But all that had changed with her positive result of cancer. He was now burying himself in guilt but she was angry too at her life right now and though she wanted to console Mulder, she needed his attention towards her. Her needs were normally set aside for Mulder's but death was staring her in the face and she needed to focus on what was left of her life...her unfulfilled dreams...her secret desire to be with Mulder...none of it would happen...she would never get to see the joy in her mother's eyes when _her_ children greeted them...she was sure Bill would be getting married soon...and Charles had his two sons...but she would never see _her _children and hold them in her arms...just as she would never get the chance to be with Mulder...She turned to see him staring at her and she pointed to the sandwich. "Mulder...eat something."

Mulder looked down at his desk then and finally realized that there was a roast beef sandwich sitting next to him. "Thanks...", he mumbled and unwrapped it and without adding any condiments, he bit into it and devoured it in four bites. She stood up and went into the lounge area and returned with two soda's. She sat one down in front of him and stood there, looking at him.

"I should be asking you whats wrong, Scully..." he said, rounding the desk to stand beside her. "Whats going on?"

"I need to talk to you..."

Mulder's eyes dimmed and his heart began to race. He didn't want to hear what she might say...from the tone of her voice and the look in her blue diamond eyes, she was going to tell him she was leaving..."What is it, Scully? You can tell me...", he said, softly.

The expression on Mulder's face made her sick. She knew he had already formulated their conversation in his mind and she knew he was thinking she would be leaving him. She wanted to hold him but it wouldn't be right and so she just stood there, trying to guess which of Mulder's reactions he would have to her news...her simple news.

"Mulder...I'm not leaving if that's what your thinking..."

Mulder blew out air from his lungs and then placed his hand on her shoulder. "What is it then, Scully?"

"I need some time to myself..."

"What?"

"I think I'm going to take a few days off...I need the space..."

Mulder looked confused. "Space from me?"

"Yes and no," she said, stepping back. "I need to rest up a little..."

"Is there something I should know about? Are you going into the hospital, Scully?"

_Why is this so difficult with this man_, she thought to herself.

"Scully, what the hell is going on here?", his voice rose.

She kept her head low as he stared down at her. "What do you mean, Mulder?"

All of his hurt feelings came bubbling up to the surface."Why are you closing yourself off from me?"

"Mulder...I'm sick...I need to get better and right now...I think its best if I take a few days to rest myself...don't you?"

"Its more than that!", he screamed. "Scully...tell me whats going on...tell me everything!"

"What are you talking about?", she said, moving past him to reach for her briefcase.

Mulder stood behind her. "Tell me please!"

She turned to face him. "Beginning from what Mulder?"

"Ed Jerse to now..."

"Nothing happened between us...is that what you want to know? And why am I explaining this to you, anyway?"

"Why did you do it? Did you know about your cancer then, Scully?"

"Do what? Go on a date with him? Spend the night..._**alone.**_..verses go out into a snow storm..."

Mulder touched her shoulder. "You didn't answer my question...Did you know?"

"I suspected it...", she said, looking up into his wounded hazel eyes. "That's why Leonard Betts attacked me, Mulder...he said, I had something he needed."

"You kept that from me all this time?"

She sat down with a thud in her seat. "Do I have to answer to you Mulder about everything in my life?"

"Yes!," he said, and then shook his head. He knew it was another dumb thing he had said to her recently.

Scully stared at him coldly. "No...I do not."

"No, you don't, Scully but I wish you would..."

"Why? Why Mulder?"

"Because you're the most important person in my life Scully. I'm terrified of losing you..."

Scully looked down at her hands and then looked up into Mulder's eyes filled with tears. "You're not gonna lose me Mulder...I'm fine...I promise you I'm fine..."

She reached out and touched his hand. She stood up and hugged him as Mulder bent down to her, his tears moistening her neck. "I'm sorry Mulder...but I didn't want to face the possibility of cancer...I was scared...I was angry at the cancer...angry at myself and at the hand I'd been dealt and Ed Jerse...he was kind of rebellion against you..."

Mulder stood up then and looked down at Scully, she had her eyes locked onto his and he looked for an explanation. She breathed deeply and then gave one. "I was rebelling against this job that seemed to keep me from having a social life, Mulder. From finding love..."

She could see that was the wrong thing to say to him as he pulled away from her. He flopped down in his seat and then opened the file, the one he had pretended to read earlier and began reading the information. She watched him a second and then grabbed up her briefcase and walked out the door, leaving it open as she pushed the elevator door to go up.

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	4. Chapter 4

**Truth in Therapy**

**Part 4**

**by Trycee**

**Time Line: Season 4, between Elegy and Gethsemane**

**Disclaimer: I do not own the X-Files. This is written for fun not Profit.**

Scully was surprised to receive a knock on her door. She walked over and peered through the eye hole and quickly opened it to find her mother standing at her door with two bags filled with groceries. Maggie kissed her daughter and handed her a bag. "You're still in your pajamas, it's nearly lunchtime..."

"I was just resting...", she said, standing in a robe. She was sitting on her couch sipping coffee about to read a book and so her mother's intrusion caught her completely off guard.

"That's why I came...", she smiled warmly. "Did you eat? I brought enough food to for a month when I'm done...", she said, making her way into Scully's kitchen.

Scully could tell her mother was worried about her. "Mom, I'm okay...I took off work just to rest, no other reason." she said, following behind her mother and placing the brown paper bag on the kitchen table.

Maggie looked directly at her daughter, trying to see if she were hiding her emotions again. "Well, I'm just cooking...when was the last time you had a home cooked meal?"

Scully shrugged her shoulders. "Its been awhile..."

"Have you eaten? I'll make us brunch..."

"Mom...it's not necessary...", Scully said, touching her mother's hand.

"It is to me!", Maggie said, turning to the fridge. "Now go get some comfortable clothes on...and let me take care of things...I'm gonna make a few frozen meals so you won't have to do anything..."

Scully sighed, she knew she wouldn't be winning this argument. She turned and walked back into the living room. She was grateful that she had put away the bottle of wine she'd drank the night before, she usually didn't drink so much but her departure from Mulder the day before had left her feeling the need to numb herself. She had slept well past what she normally would and had awaken just before her mother had come. She knew that having her mother there would be a good distraction for her...she needed to get her mind off Mulder and her cancer. Maggie would be a distraction from Mulder but not from the cancer as evidence of her mother cooking and preparing freezable meals for her. She quickly got dressed and returned, phone in hand and sat down at the kitchen table.

"I haven't been in this kitchen since...", her mother said, trailing off.

"Since Dad...when I cooked for you both."

Maggie nodded thinking about her deceased husband. So much had changed since that time. "You don't get to cook anymore do you?", her mother said in nervous chatter.

Scully knew her mother was wondering why she had suddenly taken off a few days from work and she knew she feared it was the cancer weakening her. "I took off a few days just to get away, mom. I'll be back to work Monday morning..."

Maggie turned to face Scully then. "Dana...you need to rest, its good that you want to rest...You don't want to weaken yourself..."

"I feel good! A little run down at times but overall, I feel good," Scully said, reaching for a series of vitamins she had tucked into the corner of the counter.

Maggie watched as she counted out each vitamin. She handed her daughter a glass of water and watched her swallow them. "See, I'm good," she said, sitting back down.

Maggie tried to ignore her daughter's show of strength and instead focused on cooking brunch for them both. "I don't want you to lift a finger today...let me take care of everything..."

Scully smiled. "Thanks mom..."

Maggie kissed the top of her head. "That's what I'm for...Now...is Fox stopping by? I'm sure he could use a home cooked meal too..."

Scully looked at the phone she was gripping. "No," she shook her head. "He's at work..."

"You sound like you wish you were at work too."

"I do...", she sighed.

"Dana, I'm sure he can manage a few days without you...you need to take care of yourself."

Scully rolled her eyes making sure not to do so in front of her mother. It was the wrong thing to say...but everyone lately said the wrong thing, Scully had noticed. References that had never bothered her before bothered her now...like talk about a future or Mulder going on without her...She wanted to call him but she knew what she really needed was a few days between them. He had looked hurt before she walked out the office door the day before. She had even hoped he would follow her to the elevator but he hadn't...and he hadn't called her that night either which is what drove her to devour an entire bottle of wine in one evening. _Why wasn't he calling her?_, she wondered. She knew that she had said the wrong thing but she didn't mean it the way he thought or did she...what really was the reason she had gone out with Ed Jerse? Was it Leonard Betts and his declaration that she had cancer? Or was it Mulder's demands...his treatment of her that bothered her...and his comment that made it seem like she couldn't possibly date anyone...or was she trying to show him she could move on without waiting on him...or was it easier to run to the arms of a stranger than tell him how she felt...she wasn't sure...

Maggie watched as her daughter gripped the phone tightly lost in her own world. She knew exactly who Dana was waiting on to call her. She didn't want to interfere, Dana would only reject her advise if she did...but she knew it wasn't easy for her daughter to show her vulnerability to anyone but especially Mulder. She wanted to tell Dana to just tell him how she felt about him but she was not in her daughter's position...Dana was traveling a road she knew nothing about. She admired her daughter for facing a course she wasn't sure she could handle herself. She was so young...so full of promise but cancer was going to take her away from her, leaving her without any daughter's then...How could God be so cruel? She rebuked her thoughts, knowing she had to trust in God to get through this...if only she could get Dana to see that...to trust in God as a comfort to her soul.

After they ate, Maggie turned to cooking a series of freezer meals for Scully. She fussed about the kitchen just as she had when Scully was a child and she helped chop a few vegetables but that was the extent of the help Maggie would allow her to give. Eventually, her mother kicked her out of her own kitchen and forced her into the living room, a hot cup of tea in hand, to finish reading her book. She still gripped the phone but she finally sat it down, and turned to a fictional world she'd probably never get to live.

Mulder sat at his desk, he had picked up the phone several times but had hung up. He stared up at the ceiling...thinking of decorating it with a few sharpen pencils...his mind on Scully. He had rushed back to Dr. Karen Kossoff's office after Scully left but she had made him schedule an appointment with her for Monday morning...the day Scully would return. He had no one to talk to...he could in no way talk to Scully...she was the reason for his heartache and though he wanted to demand answers out of her, he knew that would not go well with his Scully. So, he sat in his darkened office staring at her empty desk, replaying the previous events in his mind...searching for answers.

She had told him that she had gone out with Ed Jerse as a rebellion to him...Mulder for the life of him couldn't understand why she needed to rebel against him. He knew he said stupid things at times...but that was expected of him...and he knew he didn't always consider her feelings but he was trying...it wasn't easy for him to let someone into his private world but he was trying to pay attention to her every smile, every frown...every wrinkle of her nose...every puff of air and every sigh...What was he doing wrong? It was bad enough that Eddie Van Blundht had made a fool out of him getting Scully to a place where he hadn't even dared in the four years he'd been with her. There she was, her mouth parted open to accept his mouth and utimately his tongue, looking into his eyes but it wasn't him...no, it was a Janitor transformed to look like him. Yet she would barely look his way or acknowledge him normally. Occasionally he could see she had feelings...like her jealousy when he was around other women...but for the most part, he was a loser, like Eddie had said.

He had reasoned that the situation with Eddie had actually been a glimpse into his future with her... , she wasn't pushing Eddie away because after all she thought it was him. She was willingly going to kiss him...but then the issue with Ed Jerse had in fact hurt him dearly, it had hurt his pride more than her near kiss of Eddie Van Blundht. She had spent the night at another man's apartment...the thought of what she had possibly done had replayed in his mind for weeks, but she had finally explained that she hadn't slept with Ed Jerse...he felt relief but then she had explained that she had ran into the arms of a stranger looking for love...but not from him. This woman that he had been attracted to from the beginning...who had surprised him with her beauty as well as her brains from the moment he spun around to greet her, didn't really want him...and she was now dying, taking his heart and mind with her. He picked up the phone and dialed her number finally but it just rang. He left a brief message, "Scully, it's me...Just checking to see if you're okay...If you need anything...anything...call me."

He hung up the phone and continued to stare in the dark at her desk. He had been sitting there for a few hours never bothering to turn on the light in his office. How was he going to get through the next three days without her...not including the weekend? Mulder had never felt more alone than in that moment...he didn't want to think about losing her but it kept popping into his mind...overtaking him until he was numb.

Scully stared at the phone that had finally rang. She didn't answer, but she could hear the answering machine pick up. Maggie listened to the message as well. She glanced over to her daughter who again was lost in thought. She walked in, bringing her a small taste of a baked pasta dish she had made to freeze. "You gonna call him back?"

"No...", Scully said, looking off. "I'll see him Monday morning."

"Dana...you remember what I used to tell you and Missy?"

Scully looked into her mother's eyes. "About what?"

"I told you that when a man accepts you...he accepts your strengths as well as your weaknesses...remember I used to tell you that all the time?"

"Yes," she smiled. "Mom...Mulder and I..."

"I'm not saying you are," Maggie interrupted. "He's your partner...your best friend, Dana...the same goes for those relationships too. You have to be willing to show your weaknesses or else you'll never grow together. "

"Its hard for me," she admitted. "I don't do that well..."

Maggie reached out and touched her leg. "I remember...Bill especially would give you a hard time and you vowed then never to show your weaknesses to any boy!", she laughed. "But Dana...that was a long time ago...I know you have to be strong in your job. I'm sure Fox appreciates your strengths. But your human, honey. And letting your best friend comfort you...there's nothing wrong with that. Now if you don't want to call him...that's your business, but think about it, okay?"

Scully watched as her mother headed back to the kitchen. "Your father was my best friend...", she said from the kitchen.

"Got it, mom!", Scully said, shaking her head. Ignoring her mother's statement, Scully grabbed up the saucer and tasted the sample of pasta her mother had left for her. She ate it all and then turned back to her book.

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	5. Chapter 5

**Truth in Therapy**

**Part 5**

**by Trycee**

**TimeLine: Season 4, between Elegy and Gethsemane**

**Disclaimer: I do not own the X-Files. This is written for fun not Profit.**

Scully pushed open the door early that Monday morning, her eyes scanned the office for traces of Mulder's activities while she was gone. It was a neat as she had left it. Her eyes then rested on Mulder but instead of his usual enthusiastic greeting, he instead stared at her coldly, which shocked her. Before she could say anything, Mulder tossed a file on his desk, asked her to look at the autopsy findings and then breezed past her to the elevator. She stood there a second trying to compose herself and then grabbed up the folder, glancing out the corner of her eye to see if he was returning but all she could hear was the sound of the elevator door closing.

Mulder rocked slightly in the elevator, pounding his fist against the sides. He had tried calling her and they had spoken only briefly, enough that he knew Scully's mother was keeping her occupied, but other than that it seemed they were drifting apart. Something had changed between them and he wasn't sure what it was...he blamed the cancer...he wanted to blame Scully but he couldn't bring himself to think that way. But he was angry at her...he loved her but from her statement she was looking for love from someone else and it killed him. He had gone through several stages from that moment she walked out the office door, numbness, fear, and now anger and Mulder knew the only person that could possibly help him understand his feelings was Dr. Karen Kossoff.

He sat down on the sofa and she greeted him again. He grinned but quickly looked off towards the wall.

"Glad you decided to come back, Agent Mulder," she smiled warmly. "You look disturbed...what happened? Is your partner alright? How's her health?"

"She's fine...she took a few days off and returned this morning," he mumbled.

"So she took some time for herself...I'm sure she needed that."

He nodded his eyes cast down. "I'm lost right now..."

"Lost? How?"

"I don't know which way I should go with Scully...I'm angry right now with her but I don't know if I have the right to be..."

"What do you mean?"

Mulder's eyes were dark and dazed. "The cancer has changed everything between us."

"In what way?"

"She's closing herself off to me...", he said, his voice in a near whisper.

"And what is your reaction?"

Tears rimmed Mulder's eyelids, tracing a line down his cheekbone. "I think the best thing for me to do is keep my feelings to myself. "

"Agent Mulder...how is that a good thing? Keeping your feelings for her tucked away in the recess of your heart? How will that solve your problem? You need to tell her she's important to you before you don't have the chance anymore..."

"I did," he said, bitterly.

"What did she say?"

"She said she was rebelling against me and that she resented the X-Files for keeping her from a social life and finding love..."

Karen could see the pure agony in Mulder's face. "And you're in love with her, aren't you?"

He didn't answer, instead he bowed his head as the tears continued to fall. She waited until he had stopped crying. He reached out and grabbed a tissue from her desk. "I've got to go...", he said, rising from his seat.

"Agent Mulder...you haven't been here a total of five minutes...lets talk this out."

He composed himself and smiled in her direction. "Thanks but I think the best thing I can do is simply be her partner...strictly business..."

"You're sure thats what you really want and what she really wants, Agent Mulder?"

"It doesn't matter...", he said, closing the door behind him.

Mulder entered the office to find Scully engrossed in the autopsy files. She turned to face him and again could see he was upset after returning from some place she did not know. "Mulder...can we talk?"

"Time's a wasting, Scully...we need to get more information so we can write our reports," he said, moving to his desk.

Scully stood up then and moved over to face him. She sat down on the side of the desk, directly in front of him. "Mulder...please, lets talk...I need to explain what I was saying last week..."

"There's nothing to explain, Scully," he said, keeping his eyes low.

She reached out and touched his hand. "Give me a chance to explain, okay?" Her mother's words floated back to her and she knew she needed to let Mulder in.

She waited for an answer from him but he just sat there quietly waiting for her to speak. He finally locked onto her eyes. She breathed deeply. "Mulder...I didn't want you to think I was angry with you...it came out wrong. I was angry about the cancer...that it was taking my life away so early...When Leonard Betts told me he needed what I had...I knew he meant cancer and I was in shock...I withdrew into my own thoughts...I didn't want to face it. Going on a date with Ed Jerse was just an attempt to have a life...just for a moment...and it wasn't because of you...it wasn't meant to hurt you in any way...", she said, breathing deeply.

Scully watched for a reaction and she could see Mulder attempt to conceal his emotions. She looked down at the desk she was sitting on and then looked back in his eyes. "I need you now more than ever Mulder...we're friends...and that is important to me. I need your support and understanding..."

Mulder swept his hand over hers. "Yes, we are friends Scully. Your my support and I'm yours..."

For a moment, she could see a flash of regret in Mulder's eyes but then he smiled. She jumped down from the desk and turned back to the autopsy results. Mulder swallowed hard and turned back to his report. He knew then that his feelings would have to wait...

The END

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